When I was four, I noticed that my mom’s eyebrows were thinner than mine. Of course, I didn’t know how this came about I just know that if mom’s eyebrows looked like that then mine should too. So in the infinite wisdom that comes with being a small child, I took my safety scissors and proceeded to remove my right eyebrow. I did this completely blind because I did not have a mirror and I couldn’t very well do this in the bathroom for the following reason
- Safety scissors are for paper
- My face is not paper
So instead I hid under the bar and I divested myself of half of my facial hair. After I was done, I heard my mom approaching and immediately had an “Oh no” moment. I could not pull off any sort of “nothing happened” because again
- I am missing all or most of my right eyebrow
Fortunately, daycare had come through for me. I had a sticker on my shirt. In a stroke of genius, I removed the sticker and used it to pick up all the little eyebrow hairs on the floor. I then showed my mother the sticker and explained how I had put it on my face, thereby avoiding trouble. Mission Accomplished, right?
- I was obviously lying.
- Waxed eyebrows look entirely different from cut ones
- Eyebrows are all over the sticker
- In no way is sticker adhesive strong enough to remove an entire eyebrow
- Especially a used sticker
Why didn’t I get into trouble?
Are you kidding me I was missing an eyebrow and had obviously learned my lesson because guess who never did that again (me. The answer is me).
Hopefully this story brings as much joy as it brings me.
Love and smiles,
The walk went well. The weather held out and was nice. Our team raised $2,280!! Here are a few pictures of the people that were a part of team “a little smile” also know as “Team Alexis”.
on the roll
My Bro, Cameron
Mr. Paul and Mom
Aunt Darla (back center), her friends and families!
Kathy, my BFF’s mom, and her little bro
Cameron and my G-Ma
Mom and My Andrew (G-Pa)
Mom & G-ma
Friends at The Carol Blair Real Estate Group
We do goofy. Plus, in the top left photo, it appears that I am an Amazon woman sitting next to my mother who has giant feet.
There are few facial hair formations as fabulous as this $3.95 Stache on a Stick. My dearest brother, Cameron, has taken to growing these in his spare time. While he currently has seven varieties taking root in his man garden, the Fancy Stache, featured here, has by far been the most prosperous. Note how this mustache curls up just so at the ends. He one day hopes to achieve such magnificence in the rest of his stache collection. Once Cameron graduates from the University of Colorado’s Broticulture program, he hopes to travel the world and bestow beautifully barbered bristles abroad.
I am so proud.
Hello all, it’s been a while and that is absolutely my fault. You see, for the past few weeks I’ve been thinking that I owed you, my dedicated readers, these really profound posts. I don’t know how I get these ideas into my head. If you wanted to read truly profound things a few times a week, I really doubt you’d be following me of all people. So, now that I’ve gotten this ridiculous idea out of my system, I would like to present you with my first post in a month;
Dear Bathroom Doors,
Why are you so much smaller than the rest of the doors in the house? My chair fits easily through all of the bedroom doors, the front and back doors, and even the patio door. And while I do enjoy being able to get into the rest of the house, you must surely realize that beyond your white painted wood lies a very important part of my day. I, like every other living thing on this planet, have to expel waste. Your doorframe, while only inches smaller than my bedroom doorframe, is narrow enough to hinder me from having easy access to your interior. This is quite frustrating, Door. While I have managed to find a way around it in my own domicile, your narrow frame continues to thwart my access in the homes of my friends and family. This essentially keeps me bound to certain locations. I really enjoy socializing, Door! If you were mere inches wider, I would have significantly more freedom. But alas, this is not the case. Perhaps one day, contractors will realize that all doors should be made equal because handicapped people need to pee too.